See What Great Essays Actually Look Like
Compare generic, forgettable essays with standout personal statements. Six complete examples across different topics.
Six Real Transformations
Example 1: Failed Business Club
Failure → Authentic growth
Example 2: The Sports Injury
Cliché → Compelling narrative
Example 3: Community Service
Savior complex → Systems thinking
Example 4: Identity & Background
Grandparent's story → Your story
Example 5: Why This Major
Generic passion → Specific curiosity
Example 6: COVID Experience
Hardship → Problem-solving
The "Generic Life Lesson" vs. Authentic Failure
Topic: Personal Growth & Entrepreneurship
Before: Generic Mechanic Shop Essay
Why this essay fails to stand out
What's Wrong:
- •Predictable "moving taught me patience" narrative
- •Generic mentor figure with fortune-cookie wisdom
- •Could be written by thousands of other students
Common App Personal Statement
When I was fifteen, my family moved to a smaller apartment across town. At first, I was upset. I had to leave my friends, switch schools, and share a room with my younger brother who talks in his sleep. It felt like my whole life got smaller.
But over time, I started to notice things I hadn't before. I began walking to school instead of taking the bus. I passed by a mechanic's shop every morning and eventually started talking to the owner, Mr. Patel. One day he let me help change a tire...
[Essay continues with generic "work hard" and "be patient" lessons]
Why Admissions Officers Skip Past This:
This essay tells instead of shows. It follows a predictable arc that reads like thousands of other essays. The insights are generic, and there's nothing specific that reveals who this student truly is.
After: Authentic, Specific Narrative
What makes this essay memorable
What Makes This Strong:
- Opens with a memorable, specific failure ("spectacular")
- Concrete details (whiteboard marker, "Wednesday at 3:15")
- Original insight: "failure is not a wall; it's a mirror"
- Tangible creation (30 profiles, "Side Street Stories" blog)
Common App Personal Statement
The first time I failed, it was spectacular.
I had convinced my high school to let me start a small business club. I printed flyers, built a website, and got twenty people to show up to our first meeting. The next week, only three came back. By month two, it was just me and a box of untouched flyers.
I remember sitting alone in the classroom one afternoon, staring at the whiteboard where I had written "Innovation Starts Here!" in bold blue marker. I felt embarrassed—like I had promised the world something I couldn't deliver...
So I kept showing up. Every Wednesday at 3:15. I read business case studies, emailed local founders, and tried to learn why people start things that often fail...
[Essay continues to 30 published profiles and the "Side Street Stories" blog]
Why Admissions Officers Remember This:
This essay shows through specific, visual moments. The opening hook, concrete details, and tangible achievements make it memorable. Most importantly, only this student could have written this essay.
The Sports Injury
Cliché → Unique Insight
The Predictable Comeback Story
- •Follows the exact formula: injury → recovery → perseverance
- •Could be written by any athlete who got injured
The Unexpected Athletic Insight
- Focuses on being the team statistician, not the injured player
- Discovers intellectual curiosity through sports analytics
Community Service
Savior Complex → Systems Thinking
The 'I Changed Lives' Essay
- •Centers the writer as a hero rather than a learner
- •Patronizing language about 'helping the less fortunate'
The Systemic Problem-Solver
- Acknowledges limitations of individual service work
- Shows intellectual curiosity about systemic solutions
Identity & Background
Tribute → Self-Authored Identity
The Grandparent's Story
- •Centers your grandparent's sacrifice instead of your thinking
- •Ends with generic moral and gratitude
Artifact-Driven Identity
- Uses a concrete artifact (recipe notebook) to anchor identity
- Connects heritage to academic interest
Why This Major
Generic Passion → Specific Curiosity
Generic Passion Statement
- •Claims lifelong passion with a cliché origin story
- •No evidence of actual intellectual engagement
Specific Curiosity in Action
- Anchors on one specific question
- Builds a scrappy experiment with measurable results
COVID Experience
Hardship → Problem Solved
The Remote-Learning Struggle
- •Universal experience shared by millions of applicants
- •No specific action taken, only passive adaptation
Scheduling Problem → Working System
- Identifies a concrete issue and builds a solution
- Measures impact (wait time cut from days to hours)
Seven Lessons for Your Essay
Start With Failure, Not Success
The strongest essays show vulnerability. 'The first time I failed, it was spectacular' is infinitely more interesting than 'I learned a valuable lesson.'
Use Hyper-Specific Details
'Wednesday at 3:15' beats 'every weekend.' Generic descriptions kill even good topics.
Show Intellectual Curiosity
Reading case studies, conducting interviews, creating projects—these actions demonstrate initiative that claims can't match.
Create Something Tangible
30 published profiles proves initiative. 'I learned patience' proves nothing. Build, create, make—don't just reflect.
Develop an Original Insight
'Failure is a mirror' is memorable. 'Work hard and be patient' is what everyone says.
Demonstrate Pattern Thinking
Show how your mindset applies across multiple situations. This demonstrates maturity and transferable thinking.
Write So Only YOU Could Have Written It
The weak essay could be about anyone. The strong essay could only be about THIS student. Be irreplaceable.